Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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