I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
