Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
