Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was confusing and full of hummus
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
