well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
