Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
