everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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