ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
