What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
areolas are like halos for boobs.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
