my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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