so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
