Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
