So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We need a shit load of segways right now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
