tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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