the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is it penis luge time yet?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
