If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
