k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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