the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
