Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
