Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
