Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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