all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
