We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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