i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
