Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
