she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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