Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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