oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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