Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
