I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
