Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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