i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
