did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
