she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
