he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
