"it" just moved
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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