the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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