please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Randomize
