if i can run in heels then i can drive
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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