you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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