Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
my liver is dry heaving
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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