Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
