She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
