I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
