It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
