My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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