I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
