Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you never un-have a 4some
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
