I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think my vagina is haunted
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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