Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
