Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wish there were birth control emojis
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
